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There is not an easy answer for how to deal with a breakup if you are still in love with your ex. Breakups can be emotionally draining, whether you are leaving or the one who has been left. There is not a magic formula to take away the pain you feel, but there are things you can do to make it a little easier.

First, you must accept that it has happened or is happening. You aren’t able to resolve a conflict or bring closure when one of the people won’t accept reality. Of course, everyone likes to hold on to romantic notions and memories of better days, but this is not the time to lock yourself in your room playing mushy love songs and getting lost old photographs. You can only change what you acknowledge. It is useless to try to pretend it away.

Secondly, cut the crap. Too many of us lack the skills needed to express ourselves or handle conflict in a healthy way and end up resorting to manipulation. If you are genuinely devastated, acting immature will only make things worse. Begging and pleading will do nothing to make situation better, and is absolutely not how to deal with a breakup when you’re still in love.

Lastly, take responsibility and don’t blame anyone else. Let go of the victim mentality and take responsibility for your part of the situation. Don’t make excuses and blame others, but admit that you have contributed to the issue at hand. Don’t make empty promises to smooth things over that you can’t keep. Past issues always come to the surface again, so it is best to deal with it right the first time. Be honest in your evaluation of yourself and try to see it from their point of view.

If you are still in love and trying to figure out how to deal with a breakup,remember that handling it in a mature and honest way will greatly increase the chances of them taking you back. Many of us act in unhealthy and hurtful ways when we feel backed in a corner or hurt and vulnerable. You can make it through this rough time if you step back and take the time to think things through and make good, sound choices on how to move forward.